Blind Eye
by doelinator
Summary: Rita's life comes crashing down when Connie finds out one of her darkest secrets. Things go down hill for Rita but who will help pick up the pieces?
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1** **Notice**

The brunette stood in the doorway of her office looking out onto the ED. Her ED. Today had been a surprisingly quiet one and everyone was working well.

*CRASH*

"Lofty are you ok?" Rita giggled she made her way over to him. "Yeah I'm fine I just tripped over…..over nothing" he said as he glanced behind him to see nothing there. "Come on let's get you up" Rita said still smiling.

That's what caught Connie's attention. That beaming smile that seemed infectious through the ED. A small smile tugged at Connie's lips as she continued to stare at the blonde. Her hair was now long enough to be pulled back into a short low ponytail. There where small wrinkles around her eyes that Connie had never noticed before, and her dimples that became more pronounced as she smiled.

Connie's train of thought was broken when Dixie and Ian rushed through the door with a patient. After recalling all of the man's vitals, and noting it was a stab wound, he was taken through to reuses and Connie called Rita to assist. By the time Rita had finished with her patient and made her way to reuses, Connie had already stemmed the man's abdominal bleed and was now staring at the blonde.

"Where on earth have you been nurse freeman I called you ten minutes ago". Connie spat the words like venom at Rita as she joined her at the patient's side. "I was helping a patient, that is my job after all" Rita said sarcastically as she gave the patient more morphine. Connie's face went red with rage but she didn't let any of it out. Not yet anyway. Once the patient was stable Rita made to leave.

"Miss freeman my office now" Connie whispered with hate as she passed the nurse on the way out of reuses. Rita didn't bother arguing with the clinical lead, just sighed and followed her to her office. By the time she got there Connie was already sat behind her desk, arms folded across her chest. Rita took a deep breath and walked over the threshold into Connie's domain. She didn't say anything just stood in front of Connie's desk with her eyes focused solely on the ground as she fiddled with the sleeve of her long sleeved top.

"Well?" Connie said still red with anger and embarrassment. "Well what? Rita asked still looking at the floor. "Aren't you going to apologise for what you did in there? ". This time Rita looked up but didn't say anything. "You undermined me in front of the nurses and I will not have it." She had risen from her chair and was practically shouting as the blonde, " sort that uniform out as well, it is not school policy", she added as she walked towards her and tugged at the sleeve only to have Rita's hand grab her wrist and stop her pulling it up. "Don't" she said sternly through gritted teeth, looking to the floor once again. "Please" she whispered releasing her grip on the clinical leads wrist and desperately fought back tears that were threatening to spill over. She then turned and ran from the office, leaving the clinical lead in shock, and headed to the toilets with only one thing on her mind.

* * *

 **Chapter 2**

 **(Trigger warning contains mentions of self-harm and alcohol)**

With streaming down her face Rita burst through the toilet door, found an empty cubical and locked herself in. sliding down the wall of the cubical she pulled IT out of her pocket. Her blade, her lifeline. The only thing that kept her safe. Without much more thought she pulled up her sleeve and slowly slid the blade across her arm that was already criss-crossed with new cuts and old scars. Instantly feeling the release Rita quickly cut a few more lines. They weren't deep enough to have stitches but they were deep enough to bring her back to reality. She sat there and closed her eyes, resting her head on the cubical wall, while the blood flowed out of the many cuts on her arm.

Meanwhile in her office, Connie was still stood there with the door open. God she was angry. How dare Rita talk to her like that? As she lifted her gaze her anger turned to worry for the blonde. Why did she run out? Was she crying? Connie was baffled, she couldn't think of any reason of Rita to wear long sleeves. Her worry became stronger as she remembered Rita flinching as she reached out to touch her sleeve. Then it hit her.

How could she have been so blind? Ever since Rita's husband "visited" the hospital she had started wearing long sleeves. Then Connie put it down to it being winter, but now in the middle of summer, Rita was still wearing them. A knock on her open door awoke her from her flashback. It was Tess.

"Connie is everything OK with Rita? You weren't too hard on her again were you?" Tess asked cautiously stepping into Connie's office and closing the door behind her. Connie blinked a few times before answering. "Tess have you noticed anything different about Rita recently?" she asked turning to her desk and reaching for her phone. "I don't think so she has been quieter than usual but nothing major. Why?" "No reason" Connie said quietly as she searched for the nurse manager in her contacts. Connie rang her but there was no reply." I need to find her" she said pushing past Tess on her way out.

Meanwhile Rita was walking home after quickly grabbing her things from her locker and leaving the hospital while Connie was still in her office. With her arms tightly wrapped around her and tears still streaming from her sparkling brown eyes she rushed home looking forward to the cupboard full of vodka waiting her. The night might be OK after all.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 3**

Rita's body was now shaking from the cold and as she entered her house she slammed the door behind her. All rational thought disappeared as emotion took over. She threw her jacket and bag across the room as she made her way to the kitchen. Her vision was blurred as tears constantly fell; making her way to the cupboard under the sink she pulled out two bottles from behind the pipes. Making her way to the living room she unscrewed one of the bottles and took large mouthfuls, smiling as the liquid burn her throat. Putting the other one on the table she sunk to the floor with the opened bottle in her mouth. Already the bottle was half empty but she didn't care. Her throat burned and she was sat in the dark. At that moment nothing else mattered.

Meanwhile Connie had rushed out of the ED saying that there was something urgent she needed to deal with. After looking at Rita's profile to find her address Connie ran to her car and sped to Rita's house. After getting there in record time Connie climbed out of her car and stood there staring at the house. All the lights were off and there were no signs of life within. Cautiously Connie walked up the path to the house and knocked loudly on the door. There was no answer. Connie was starting to panic and she was hoping that Rita wasn't in and that she was at a friends or something. This thought was pushed aside as she leant against the door and could hear sobbing coming from within. Connie was worried that if she just walked Rita would never speak to her again but she was more worried about Rita's safety, pushed the boundary and turned the door handle. It was open.

As she stepped into the house Connie winced as she hit a wall. The smell of vodka was incredibly strong. Connie now hated herself. "I should have followed Rita, I should have talked to her" she whispered to herself as she quietly closed the door behind her. The house was silent except for the constant sobbing coming from the living room. Walking into the living room she saw her. Rita was still sitting there on the floor. By now there were three empty bottles on the table and one more in Rita's hand. "Oh Rita" Connie said as she made her way over to Rita who was struggling to keep her eyes open. "Stay with me Rita. That's it". Connie was scared but she couldn't show it. She had to look after Rita. Kneeling down next to the drunken women Connie slowly took the now half empty bottle from Rita's shaking hand and put it on the table out of reach. Rita didn't move. "Rita" Connie whispered but there was no response so Connie shook her by the shoulder. Nothing. After getting up and turning the light on she could see the blonde was pale, very pale. Without thinking Connie slipped off her heals and rushed over to the blonde and picked her up, almost running up the stairs to find the bathroom. God she hated herself right now.

Quickly finding the bathroom Connie slowly lowered Rita to the floor near the bath and went in search for towels and pyjamas. By the time she got back Rita was conscious and was being violently sick in the toilet and on her person. Glad that she was conscious but worried about how much she was being sick, Connie dampened a towel slightly and draped it over her shoulders and head, then used a damp flannel to wipe her brow. She was sweating a lot and was still very pale. Rita stopped being sick for a while. She sat back and started to cry with her left hand secured tightly over her right arm cautiously Connie knelt down next to the blonde and allowed her to fall in to her arms. "Rita can you hear me darling?" she asked trying to ease Rita's hand off her other arm. It wouldn't move. Connie didn't need to move it as blood started to come through the white under layer under her top. "I'm sorry, but you should have left me" Rita said but her voice was barely above a whisper. "you should have just left me to sit there and…and "Rita stopped as she reached for the toilet and started to be sick again. Connie sighed and reached for the flannel to wipe Rita's brow again. After Rita had finally stopped throwing up Connie reached behind her for the pyjamas she had found. "Rita do you want me to help you get changed?" "Please" Rita whispered as she tried to stand up, stumbling slightly as she walked with Connie to her room, just about making it into her room before her knees gave way and she collapsed into a pile on the floor. Connie helped her down gently and pulled Rita towards her but was pushed away as Rita started to cry again. Puling Rita into her, she allowed Rita to lean her head on her shoulder." Its ok Rita, I'm here" Rita nuzzled into Connie's neck as she continued to cry. "Thank you Connie". Connie smiled at the used of her first name but the smile soon faded as she realised that Rita was falling asleep on her and she was still on the floor. Without asking Connie gently lifted Rita off the floor and settled her on the bed, helping her to sit up so that she could help her to change. "sit there and I will get you some water" Connie said as she turned round and walked into the en-suite, finding a glass on the side by the sink and filling it with water before going back to the bedroom. Rita was still sat up and Connie handed her the glass enclosing Rita's hands in her until she was sure Rita hand hold of it. "Let's get that damp top off you and get you into your pyjamas" Connie said with a smile as Rita placed the glass on the bedside table and looked up at Connie nodding slowly. Connie reached behind Rita and grabbed the pyjamas and putting them on Rita's lap. "Come on then" she said as Rita was still staring at her. Rita went to reach for the hem of her top and then stopped tuning to look at her forearms. Connie noticed this and reached for the hem of the top herself. "It's ok Rita I will sort it" she said making eye contact with the blonde. Something inside her stirred and she felt sorrier for her then she thought was possible. She was sorry that she wasn't there for her in the beginning and she was sorry that Rita felt this bad towards herself. Slowly pulling the top over Rita's head and her arms were revelled Connie could see how hurt Rita was. Years of pain expressed on her body. Connie was drawn back to the blond who was now taking off the bra. She just sat there looking at Connie. Connie pulled the pyjama top over the blonds head and helped her to put her arms though. Rita then got rid of her trousers with the same ease and Connie helped her guide her feet into the trousers.

"Better?" Connie asked as she knelt down in front of Rita who nodded and then let her head fall, her eyes on her hands as she fiddled with them in her lap. "now let's sort you out" Connie said gently as she slowly pulled up Rita's pyjama sleeve to reveal small but open cuts running the length or her forearm. Rita lowered her head even more. With one finger Connie lifted her head by the chin so that their eyes met. "It's ok. I will clean this and then you need to sleep this off". Connie went into the en-suite and searched for medical supplies. She wasn't surprised to find a fully stocked medicine cupboard. Connie gathered what she needed and went back to Rita. Sitting next to her n the bed Connie cleaned both forearms and then covered them enough to last the morning. " I can do this myself " Rita said quietly. Connie had no doubt about that but Connie thought that she _had_ to do this for Rita. "I know I want to do this. I want to look after you". Rita lifted her head to look Connie in the eye and saw nothing but truth and Connie's own self-hate. "In the morning I think we should talk but for now you need to sleep" Connie said as she pulled down both of Rita's sleeves and pulled back the duvet for Rita. Once Rita was settled Connie went to leave but was stopped by Rita's hand on her arm. "Stay with me please" Rita begged. Connie couldn't say no. secretly she wanted to hold Rita and tell her everything was going to be ok but instead she just sat on the bed next to Rita and stroked the hair out of her face and Rita let her eyes close at the feel of Connie's touch. Connie continued to run her hands through Rita's hair until she was sure she was asleep. She then got up and walked out to the landing closing the door behind her. She let out a breathe she didn't even know she had been holding. Tiredness caught up with her and as she made her way down the stairs back into the living room. Connie made her way to the sofa and led down on it pulling the blanket, that was on the back of the sofa, over herself and she let sleep overcome her. Tomorrow was going to be a new start.


	3. Chapter 3

The next morning Rita awoke with a start, the images of the night before flooding back. "What have I done?" she whispers to herself. Looking around the room from her bed Rita noticed a glass of water and some painkillers on her bedside table. Not caring where they came from she sat up slowly to take them, her stomach disagreeing with the movement due to the night before. Once the pills had been taken and the glass was empty she placed the glass back on the table next to a note that was placed gently by the lamp. "Rita" was elegantly written on the front in a handwriting Rita recognised straight away. Making herself comfortable Rita opened the letter.

"Rita,

I helped you to bed last night and made sure you were safe. I also cleaned the bathroom and your arm. I slept on the sofa because I didn't want to leave you alone, (I hope that was ok). I think we need to talk. Text me when you wake up."

Rita couldn't help but smile. Connie cared for her. The one person she loved wasn't fighting with her anymore. The smile soon faded though when she read the letter again. That one line stopped her dead. " _And your arm"_ Rita's gaze drifted from the note to her left arm. She was so angry at herself. "How could I have left Connie see it?" she thought as she put the note on her lap and reached for the hem of her sleeve but she didn't pull it down. The bandage was showing at the end of her sleeve and Rita decided she didn't want to see anymore. Slowly she remover the duvet off her legs and stepped onto the carpet, easing her feet into her slippers. She didn't dare stand up though. a wave of nausea rushed over her and stopped Rita moving anymore. Deciding she needed help Rita reached for her phone and texted Connie.

"I'm up; could you help me out of bed?"

Seconds later Rita heard footsteps coming up the stairs. "Hey" Connie said as she popped her head round the door. "I brought you some coffee and toast. I thought you might be hungry…. After last night" Rita smiled at the nervous brunette and looked down at her feet. Connie walked over to Rita and placed the plate on the bedside table and handed Rita the cup, not letting go of it until she was sure Rita had it. "You said you wanted some help out of bed?" Connie questioned gently, taking the cup from Rita and putting it on the table. "Yeah, I tried to stand up before and I thought I was going to be sick" she said looking up at Connie who was looking back with a small smile playing on her lips, a smile that copied on to Rita's lips to. "Ok come here". Connie held out her hands and Rita took hold of them as Connie slowly lifted her to standing, pausing slightly as Rita became dizzy and rested her head on Connie's chest. "You ok?" Connie whispered as Rita lifted her head to look at her. "Yeah I just need to get over this hangover" "you know that's not what I meant" Connie said with a bit more authority than before. "I'm fine Connie, I just need time" "and a shower I think" Connie laughed as she brushed the matted hair out of Rita's face. "Can I get some food first?" Rita whined. Connie didn't say anything she just put her arm around Rita's waist and helped Rita towards the door and down the stairs, towards the kitchen.

Once in the kitchen Connie cooked Rita a full English breakfast and sat down opposite her at the table with her coffee in hand. They didn't say anything to each other, just sat in silence catching each other's eye every now and then. After a while Connie noticed that Rita hadn't eaten much of her breakfast. At first she thought it was her cooking, she never was any good even when she was cooking for grace, but looking at Rita now Connie could see that Rita had lost a lot of weight since she had properly looked at Rita. This worried her. As far as Connie could tell and from what rites friends had told her Rita was always eating. _Always_. "Rita aren't you hungry?" "Huh?" Rita said as she lifted her head up from the plate where she had been playing with her food. "I thought I was….but now imp not, sorry connive". Rita then gently pushed the plate away from her. Connie didn't say anything she just stood up and took the plate away from rite. She then left it on the side to cool before she put it in the fridge. "I will keep it for you for later" she smiled sitting back down again. "I'm going to get changed" Rita said getting up from the table but Connie got to the stairs first blocking Rita's way. "I want to talk about this, about you" she said reaching out for Rita's shoulder only to have her hand pushed away. "Yeah well I don't want to, why do you care all of a sudden anyway?" she shouted as she pushed past Connie and ran up the stairs to her room, slamming the door behind her." _Shit"_ she whispered making her way up the stairs to Rita's room. She didn't go in but just sat outside with her back to the door. She knew Rita was stubborn, that's what she loved about her, but this was going to be harder then she thought but she had to stay, to try. She had to let Rita know that she did care and she has always cared. She loved her and Rita had to know that but now was not the right time.


	4. Chapter 4

_Hi guys, sorry for not having this at the beginning of the previous chapters. I am planning on updating this fanfic once a week ( due to GCSEs and all that). I'm so glad you like it and I am planning on continuing this for a while._

 _So here you go, enjoy!_

* * *

After sitting by the door for half an hour Connie decided that that Rita had had enough time to calm down. Standing up Connie brushed down her trousers and knocked gently on the door. "Rita I'm coming in OK? We need to talk". When she didn't hear anything Connie slowly opened the door to see Rita stood in front of her full length mirror ready for work, with her leather jacket on and her bag in her hand. "Where do you think you're going?" Connie questioned as she closed the door behind her, leaning on it looking at Rita. "I'm going to work what do you think?". Attitude was rich in Rita's voice and it hit Connie's nerves instantly causing rage to bubble inside the brunette. "No you're not, you're not ready to go back yet you now that". "Connie you can't stop me from going, please I need to go". Rita picked up her shoes from under her bed and made her way towards Connie who was still leaning on the door. "Please?" Connie looked in to Rita's eyes. She was pleading with her. She gave up. "OK but if I think that you're not coping I'm bringing you home. Understand?" Rita just nodded and hugged Connie, who was doubtful but hugged her back. If she was going to get Rita to talk she needed to trust her and _show_ Rita that she trusted her.

* * *

The drive to work was made in complete silence. Every now and then there would be a shared mumble to either turn the radio on or to turn the heating up. Ten minutes later Connie pulled into the car park and parked in her usual spot near the entrance. Turning to Rita Connie could see that she was panicking and struggling for breath. "Rita look at me" Connie spoke gently, after reaching for Rita's shaking hands and holding them tight. "Rita I need you to look at me OK? Breathe slowly in and out, in…out, in…out". Connie slowed her breathing so that Rita could copy. "I'm….OK Connie….. Please let me go back to work" pleaded once she had her breathing under control. Connie laughed quietly to herself. "I know I won be able to stop you Rita", this brought a small smile to the blondes lips "but I want you to stay in your office, no working on the wards today, for your safety and the patients". Rita new this made sense and didn't want to argue. She loved seeing this caring side of Connie, even if it was under these circumstances. She made her feel safe. After what felt like hours Rita realized that she was still staring at Connie and she was smiling back at her. "Can we go in now Connie?" it was almost a whisper but even through the hidden words that they were sharing, Connie heard it loud and clear. "Yeah sure as long as you're ready?" Connie reached in the back seat for her bag, got out of the car and walked around to the passenger side of the car to open it for Rita. Rita stepped out of the car and ended standing within inches of Connie. She could smell her perfume and shampoo. Her heart rate increased and she was surprised that Connie couldn't feel it within the close proximity of their bodies. Taking a deep breath and closing the car door behind her Rita finally answered the important question. "Yeah I'm ready. Let's go"


End file.
